> Enter.

[whiskeryasshole.livejournal.com]

Hi there. I'm Gogol, and I am eager to make a good first impression by inflicting this AU douchebag on you!

His name is, or at least was, Dave Lalonde, and he hails from Homestuck. More specifically, he hails from what Homestuck would be if everything about it were terrible and clogged with wizardbeard.

It is essential for you to know that he is his own spirit guide, and that he manages at all times to be simultaneously fuzzy and composed of lilac goo. Everything else is ghostly gravy. 

If you want to express your unfathomable horror in a less formal venue, and I guess also just plot and things, my AIM is thremedon. Pleased to meet you.

Comments

[shipper]

Why can't I hold all these Daves...

By which I mean HI THER I'm Len and I play Nepeta. I am super excited to play with you, you have no idea.

[whiskeryasshole.livejournal.com]

PROBABLY BECAUSE LIKE HALF OF THEM ARE MADE OUT OF VARIOUSLY COLORED GAMESLIME

I mean. Hello! I am likewise thrilled. Catthing solidarity, they will have it. (Actually of all the trolls Davesprite's most familiar with his universe's Nepeta, sooo... /steeples tentacles menacingly)

threadjack

[brokenbowfetish.livejournal.com]

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

No menacing tentacle-steepling at the moirail. >|

[whiskeryasshole.livejournal.com]

But-

8(

/knots them into a totally amiable and only slightly unsettling bow??

[brokenbowfetish.livejournal.com]

...

Okay.

/but Big Equius is WATCHING YOU

[whiskeryasshole.livejournal.com]

/RADIATES INNOCENCE AND PROBABLY HAIRBALLS

[shipper]

THIS IS NO EXCUSE UNLESS YOU'RE IMPLYING DAVES ARE THE HOMESTUCK VERSION OF THE NAILING JELLO TO A TREE ADAGE.

Catthings are obviously the best things. They can have kitty fistbunps and everything. (I-is she going to need to have Equius sweating over her shoulder every time she talks with you, pink Dave. Is this a thing that has to happen.)

[whiskeryasshole.livejournal.com]

MOSTLY DAVE WOULD JUST LIKE TO NOT BE NAILED TO A TREE. even figuratively.

Kitty paw-suckerbunps. Yes. (WHAT NO

pink Dave is perfectly safe.

Purrfectly.)

[shipper]

WHY NOT TREES ARE PRETTY COOL, ESPECIALLY IF YOU GET SOME JELLO WITH YOU.

It's just the natural course of catthings meeting, along with pouncetackles. (I'M NOT SO SURE ABO-

oh my is that a cat pun obviously you must be totally fine :DD)

[whiskeryasshole.livejournal.com]

Dave likes trees in a strictly platonic way, okay.

A two-sided pouncetackle seems like a recipe for HAPEN x2. I mean. Really. (NEPETA YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD JUDGE OF CHARACTER)

[shipper]

They trees are sad, Dave. You wouldn't even consider c3< between them and the jello?

You make it sound like this is some kind of problem. (OF COURSE I AM, OTHERWISE I COULDN'T KEEP THE WALL UP)

[whiskeryasshole.livejournal.com]

Only if you tell me who's mediating who. BI

...well. Okay. Point.

(I'm not sure being a good judge of UST is QUITE the same thing. js.)

[shipper]

Oh hell no, you are not getting me to mediate this mediation. I will not be sucked into this clusterfuck of a quadrant filling.

Aw yiss, all these HAPENINGS.

(Don't be stupid, this is practically the same thing in troll culture. SO SPECIESIST GOD)

[whiskeryasshole.livejournal.com]

Oh man, can assemblies have trollmances, too? Could the hatred that burns between two warring nations be a SEXY hatred?

(BUT NEPETA PERSONALITIES CONSIST OF MORE THAN JUST THEIR OWNERS' ROMANTIC INCLINATIONS!!! Just look at...

...at...

uh.)

[shipper]

Stop twisting the sacred glory that is a quadrant romance! Bad enough there's the armored 9TP of moirails, I refuse to start having to keep track about entire countries' black inclinations. It is not happening.

(YEAH THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT YOU'D SAY :||)

[whiskeryasshole.livejournal.com]

But think of the passion! The rivalry! The gratuitous arms races!

(B< /STEEPLES THOSE GOD DAMN TENTACLES)

[shipper]

No means no, young man! Go float in the corner and think about what you've done.

(WON'T DO YOU ANY GOOD)

[whiskeryasshole.livejournal.com]

/GOES

/WEEPS INTO BOWTIE

(~;,;~)

[shipper]

THEATRICS WON'T GET YOU OUT EARLY

(this is the most adorable emoticon omg

what was i talking about)

[whiskeryasshole.livejournal.com]

LOOK AT THIS SOGGY NECK ORNAMENT

LOOK AT IT

(hahahaha the ultimate weapon)

[shipper]

FASHION IS STUPID, I AM UNMOVED

(sob sob I will never win an argument at this rate)

[whiskeryasshole.livejournal.com]

BUT IT'S PAWSITIVELY ADORABLE?

(just as planned

B3)

[shipper]

YOUR CAT PUN PRIVILEGES HAVE BEEN REVOKED FOR THE DURATION OF THIS TIMEOUT. DO IT AGAIN AND I'M ADDING HALF AN HOUR ON.

(god dammit this can only end in sorrow)

[whiskeryasshole.livejournal.com]

/DISCONTENTED HISSING???

(B3X i don't know what you mean

clearly this way lies only joy and catshipping)

[shipper]

/SPRAY BOTTLE :||

(i think that you're telling me untruths and that this is the path to all the sads and creys)